Practicing the Preaching

Ok so admittedly I have never been one for opening up to people and letting them know the feelings which lie hidden deep within me. I've always believed that you don't let things upset you and you certainly don't talk about the things that upset you. Which people may seem to think is a contradiction to this blog, but I would disagree. After all i'm not talking about it, i'm simply venting my thoughts through text.

Recently though however I have had a lot of time to think about how my emotions effect me as a whole. One of these things has been the main subject of all these blog posts, my inability to conceive children, now this you may think is something which I talk openly about. But that is not the case, see I tell all you wonderful ladies and everyone else who reads this blog to accept what MRKH is. But do I really practice what I preach? After all I am perfectly fine with admitting that I can't have children and if asked I am more than comfortable with explaining what my condition is and the outcomes of it. But I don't really talk personally to anyone about how it makes me feel. The way it affects me emotionally. For instance, the only way my boyfriend has ever got to understand how it makes me feel is through my blog.

Now it's not that i'm ashamed of my condition, not at all. I know there are some times when I have felt as though I am not truly a woman due to the whole baby fueled society we live in. After all I come from a huge family and babies are something I am more than used to being around. But take the adverts on television and magazines. Your bound to see at least one advert with the stereotypical portrayal of mother and baby. It's not that society has anything against us or are insensitive towards us. It's just the simple fact that we are not the majority. Most women are driven by the need to settle down and have children. It has always been the case, way before we were even born and the sad truth is it always will be the case. Women are always going to be seen as the carriers of babies. Women who can't have babies will be accepted but those who can have children are always going to be a bit dumbfounded by us. It's a simple fact.

However as I was saying my condition does not embarrass me and I do fully accept who I am. What I find hard to talk about though is the emotions that lie beneath it. After all as a teenager it was hard enough to feel as though people understood you without adding MRKH into the equation. I as a person am not intimate or openly expressive of opinions and believes. I cannot stand up in public and say this is how it is, accept it or sling your hook. I never have. As i've never felt the need to be that way.  It's not that I am incapable of being that way or that I feel I don't have an opinion that matters. I just don't see the point in enforcing my lifestyle upon others. Please don't misunderstand my point, as I do strongly wish for women like me to be accepted in society and not seen as some sort of foreign object. If i'm honest that is the only subject I would argue and fight for the reast of my life until my eventual death. Basically my point is I as a person am emotionally retarded. The only way I can express my self is in secret, hidden behind an anonymous alias, with a well thought out piece of text.

My true point is despite what people say, how often they pester you to be open and talk about your issues with the people you love and care for, it isn't really an essential. If you feel more comfortable with expressing your emotions through poetry, then write poetry, if it's through art, create art, if it's through a blog, blog away, through letters, write letters, or if you do find that talking helps you, talk someone's ear. You have to choose the release that suits you, understand that you as a person are unique. You express yourself in your own way and that's perfectly ok. Don't force yourself into something that isn't you, as your method of fixing things is the best for you. That's why it's your method. Also no matter how much people go on at you to change the way you are, don't do it. As you could end up turning away your calling, something that is going to get you very far. I suppose what i'm saying really is be you and be comfortable with the way you are and that is all.