The Baby Complex

Ok, so i'm going to talk about something which I have not as yet spoke about. I'm not entirely sure why, either because I didn't find it necessary or because I was scared. But I am going to talk about the desire to have children. Most women have this desire, the maternal instinct, the want to settle down and spout out babies. Most women feel there would be nothing better in this life to have a tiny, squishy, pink person, to love and call there own.

Admittedly I do feel this but I try to suppress those believes as much as possible to save myself from my own self torture. But the want is still there, admittedly I have always wanted to have children, although I did deny it for several years because the most experience I got about looking after small children was from my siblings, which isn't the best basis for wanting to have kids. So when asked I would profusely deny the want to have my own little tearaways. But secretly I always did. After all I loved babies they were adorable and made my heart melt. As I said the want to have children is still there despite the fact that I know I am incapable of conception.

Now admittedly there are several options that are still capable for women like me who are incapable of getting pregnant. There is the means of surrogacy, surrogacy for anyone who doesn't know, is the medical procedure of taking ovaries (eggs) from a woman, semen (sperm) from a man, fertilising the two to create an embryo and then implanting the embryo into a surrogate mother ( a woman who is capable of conception). Now although you would not give birth to the baby yourself the baby would still biologically be your child. I'm still not yet entirely sure how I feel about this process, as in a way I feel it is making another woman go through all the hard work for you, whereas you get the reward at the end i.e. the baby. As well as having the worries that I might not feel as much love for it as other mothers do as I haven't felt it grow inside me or gone through the pain that most mothers do. I feel I wouldn't have the same connection. As well as being incapable to breast-feed it as I wouldn't have the hormones.

Another option is adoption, now the idea I feel far more swayed to, as I do see the point of bringing another child into the world when there are children out there who are in far more need to be given a home and love. If I did go through this process I would probably adopt an older children somewhere between the ages of 4-7, as older children seem not to get adopted as easier as older children, probably because of the fact that people believe they have already grown bad habits and can't be taught how to behave. Whereas I feel they deserve a chance as they are more capable of feeling the hurt of not being wanted or loved. Which saddens me quite a bit, as well as these children probably having come from bad homes and suffered before hand, they deserve the chance to be loved and to feel what real unconditional, never-ending love is. To be cared for and looked after, to live the life of a child.

But as for now I still feel I am to young to dedicate my life to a child, after all I am only 19 and I will still have plenty of years to research and act upon my choices of having children and settling down. I do want a child or children to be part of my life, but I feel it should be taken one stop at a time, when I am old enough and experienced enough to care for others as well as myself. But undoubtedly I would love to have a child by the options possible to me. I'm also sure there is foster work that would be possible to help me understand how to care for an adopted child more easier. Which I would love to take part in, again when I am old enough.

I know this blog hasn't been the usual type, which usually involves empowerment and the emotions which are felt through my condition. But I felt that this deserved a post, as it is something I have thought about deeply. Something which I wanted to express. I'd also like to thank all my readers for following my blog and having an interest in the things I have to say. It means a lot to me and your comments always make me smile and encourage me to want to write this blog. Thank you xxx