The Beginning

I don't think i'll ever forget when I found that I have MRKH. It came from years of me hoping for my period to come along any minute, from since I was around 12 years old. I always thought that I was a late starter and that my period would come along any moment. After 5 years of waiting and hoping I finally went. The doctors appointment was what could be expected. She asked me if I had any other symptons. My response was no as I didn't feel like I had apart from the absence of my periods. Finally she asked to take a look at my never regions. I was apprehensive about this as no-one had ever been near there at this point, but I let her take a look with the support of my mum.


It did feel uncomfortable to have a stranger look at such an intimate area but I knew it was for my best and this was going to help me find out why I still hadn't begun my period. After she took a look she told me that it was most probably because I had a thick hymen but she was going to refer me to a gynaecologist for them to check properly so I could be certain that that was what it was. 


A couple of weeks later I had to go to the gynaecologist, this experience wasn't the nicest of experiences, as yet again a stranger was gazing at an intimate which I wanted left alone. As well as other body parts, the main reason this was a bad experience was because the doctor was quite rough and seemed to pull at my labia and it hurt. I know it was probably so she could examine me better, but a word of warning would have been nice. Once again I was given the response of it's probably just a thick hymen and that everything looks normal. But I was referred to a scan just so they could be certain that that was what it was.


For the scan I had to have a full bladder, so this included not going to the toilet all day and drinking a lot. It was a very uncomfortable feeling. Especially going over bumps in the road with a full bladder. During the scan I had to have gel put on me and them scan my pelvic area, which is where my full bladder was. They seemed to search all over the place, such as my tummy and sides. After a while one of them said to the other "Can you just check that?" and she did scanning in a more centred region. This is were my suspicion begin.


I had to go back a couple of weeks later to be given the results, where I met another gynaecologist. The whole car journey I was almost silent. I was so worried that it was going to be bad news, thinking of all the vast amount of possibilities it could be, all the bad things I could have. When I got there the gynaecologist told me "There's good news and bad news. The bad news is that I don't have a womb, the good news is that I don't have it as bad as some do." Meaning that I have both kidneys and I have my ovaries so if I ever wanted to have surrogacy I could. But the news still came as a crushing blow, after all it meant that I could never get pregnant, I could never carry my own child or feel what it was like to have another life growing inside of me. I admit I did cry.


After the ordeal I had to have my blood taken. During the wait I couldn't help but cry, it was a lot to take in and to try and understand. I had all these negative thoughts racing through my head, like what if it was my fault, what if I had done something to deserve this, what if it was because i'd said in the past I don't want kids, but we all do when we're young. But I had to have a blood sample taken and sent off, so they could test my chromosomes, to make sure that I had the right ones and my absent uterus wasn't a result of chromosomal defects.


 I felt as though my head was a mess, I had no idea what to do or how to take the news, I just knew that I wanted to go home, to the safety of my bedroom. I stayed as cheerful as I could during the car ride home, so no-one knew how I felt inside. But as soon as I got home, I ran to my bedroom and broke down completely. I cried for half an hour or more sat against my bedroom door so no-one could come in. I felt completely heartbroken, I felt as though I had lost my future and all hope of it. I felt as though it had been cruelly snatched away. Although I had been this way all my life, it felt to me like I had only just become that way. I had only just lost my Uterus, almost as if it had been snatched away in the night.

Comments

  1. Thank you for writing about this. I too have MRKH and I have a similar, traumatic diagnosis story. It is nice to read and share and I am looking forward to reading the rest of your blog.

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    1. Your very welcome and thank you for reading, i'm glad you enjoyed the blog and hope you enjoy future posts just as much :) xxx

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